My Biggest Regret of 2019
I don't usually pour my heart out for everyone to see, but this is something I've wanted to talk about because it really is the biggest regret of the last year, if not in my life.
My biggest regret of 2019 is leaving Arizona.
It seems like something that wouldn't be that big of a deal right? Well, let me explain. I transferred to Arizona State University in the fall of 2018. I lived in Arizona when I was younger and because I still have family there my family and I would go almost every summer (which in hindsight is a silly time of year to go to Arizona). It is my favorite state. The endless sunshine, the red mountains, just thinking of the sheer beauty of Arizona is enough. When I went to ASU, I was finally back in Arizona. And I loved it. I loved the school, I loved my friends, I loved the sunshine and the mountains.
At the time I was living with my aunt and my cousin and their dog, sweet little Mushu. I miss that dog. My aunt and I would often stay up and talk about anything and everything. And one day I confided in her that there was a dream I had for many years of making movies. I've always enjoyed watching them, analyzing them, writing screenplays. I was the kid that spent hours watching a movie and then watching all its bonus content. I wanted to see how they were done. I wanted to see how movie magic was created. I blame that on Lord of the Rings because it was the first DVD we owned that really advertised its behind the scenes content. So after watching each extended edition, I would watch all the behind the scenes they had, sometimes even watching the movie again with the commentary. Movies are a huge part of my life, just as much as writing has been. That was the reason I started learning how to write screenplays. It combined my two greatest loves.
I dumped all this out on my aunt and to my surprise, she told me she knew some people who worked on movies, both in the industry and independently. She got me in touch with a friend of hers from church who had his own independent movie company and messaged him for me. Next thing I knew I was in the car on my way to meet him and see what he was working on, and suddenly I had a weekend job. Every Saturday and Sunday I would get up, go for a run, and then be off to help work on a film. It was a very intern-like job, which I did not mind at all. I was just excited to be there and to help. I loved it. I looked forward to it every weekend.
But while all this great stuff was happening, there were some other not so great things going on. For one, I was homesick. I was hundreds of miles away and three hours behind my husband (who was my fiance at the time). I missed coming home to see him every day, and though he traveled a lot to come see me, it was heartbreaking every time he left. I was extremely lonely. I had great friends, but because Phoenix was so expansive, it was never easy to see them anywhere outside of school. I was home alone with Mushu most of the time. And don't get me wrong, Mushu is an amazing dog. The sweetest, in fact, and I loved spending time with him and snuggling, but human companionship was also something that I was missing on a daily basis. It was this that ultimately made me decide to come back home to Virginia and stay.
What I left behind was a great school, great friends, and a job that I always wanted. And that has been eating at me since the day I decided I wasn't going back. In hindsight, I should have gone back. But now if I do, I won't be able to until I'm done with school, I don't know if I'll see my friends again, and the job...well, for now, I'll just try to find something to do out here in Virginia.
Going into 2020, my goal is to not give up. On anything. On my writing goals, film dreams, none of it. I can only hope that 2020 is a year full of good friends, good classes, and maybe a couple trips to Arizona.
My biggest regret of 2019 is leaving Arizona.
It seems like something that wouldn't be that big of a deal right? Well, let me explain. I transferred to Arizona State University in the fall of 2018. I lived in Arizona when I was younger and because I still have family there my family and I would go almost every summer (which in hindsight is a silly time of year to go to Arizona). It is my favorite state. The endless sunshine, the red mountains, just thinking of the sheer beauty of Arizona is enough. When I went to ASU, I was finally back in Arizona. And I loved it. I loved the school, I loved my friends, I loved the sunshine and the mountains.
At the time I was living with my aunt and my cousin and their dog, sweet little Mushu. I miss that dog. My aunt and I would often stay up and talk about anything and everything. And one day I confided in her that there was a dream I had for many years of making movies. I've always enjoyed watching them, analyzing them, writing screenplays. I was the kid that spent hours watching a movie and then watching all its bonus content. I wanted to see how they were done. I wanted to see how movie magic was created. I blame that on Lord of the Rings because it was the first DVD we owned that really advertised its behind the scenes content. So after watching each extended edition, I would watch all the behind the scenes they had, sometimes even watching the movie again with the commentary. Movies are a huge part of my life, just as much as writing has been. That was the reason I started learning how to write screenplays. It combined my two greatest loves.
I dumped all this out on my aunt and to my surprise, she told me she knew some people who worked on movies, both in the industry and independently. She got me in touch with a friend of hers from church who had his own independent movie company and messaged him for me. Next thing I knew I was in the car on my way to meet him and see what he was working on, and suddenly I had a weekend job. Every Saturday and Sunday I would get up, go for a run, and then be off to help work on a film. It was a very intern-like job, which I did not mind at all. I was just excited to be there and to help. I loved it. I looked forward to it every weekend.
But while all this great stuff was happening, there were some other not so great things going on. For one, I was homesick. I was hundreds of miles away and three hours behind my husband (who was my fiance at the time). I missed coming home to see him every day, and though he traveled a lot to come see me, it was heartbreaking every time he left. I was extremely lonely. I had great friends, but because Phoenix was so expansive, it was never easy to see them anywhere outside of school. I was home alone with Mushu most of the time. And don't get me wrong, Mushu is an amazing dog. The sweetest, in fact, and I loved spending time with him and snuggling, but human companionship was also something that I was missing on a daily basis. It was this that ultimately made me decide to come back home to Virginia and stay.
What I left behind was a great school, great friends, and a job that I always wanted. And that has been eating at me since the day I decided I wasn't going back. In hindsight, I should have gone back. But now if I do, I won't be able to until I'm done with school, I don't know if I'll see my friends again, and the job...well, for now, I'll just try to find something to do out here in Virginia.
Going into 2020, my goal is to not give up. On anything. On my writing goals, film dreams, none of it. I can only hope that 2020 is a year full of good friends, good classes, and maybe a couple trips to Arizona.
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